i feel insensitive.... to tears, insults, pain, responsibilities..... everything!
I didn’t know i would write my blog today.even after opening it i have no idea of what i would be writing. my routine has become a total chaos after i became an intern. many surprises…….. unexpected twists and turns. i don’t even understand where to look…… to look back or look forward. before i decide anything, my surroundings are swirling around. I’m dizzy! its not that kind of dizziness that usually lingers around the state of extreme happiness…. the ecstasy. no,its not that. i don’t mean to say I’m amidst the deep river of melancholy. as to now, I’m there… just there…. like a rock at the bank of the stream. watching the stream move… its every tide.. every smooth comforting wave… every rough blow… absorbing all the memories as imprints. not that I’m stable as i seem to look from the stream. every wave is consuming me, taking a part of me into them, slowly merging me into them. the stream I’m referring to is life and the rock is me.
the state in which I’m present is that I’m not responding to the events around me…….. or rather responding too much about them, many of them, it might be very fast and to stay in a feeling that i regenerated myself is becoming impossible. everything is seeming to consume me. i don’t blame consumption. i love to be consumed….. consumed by many things… each single thing which has my passion! thats important to me. and now I’m getting consumed by the lofty hill of insignificant scum flooded with a gale of senseless scab. all this garbage is hiding my precious rubies. my targets… the opted ultimate result of my passion.
another complaint with me presently is excessive musing. Aparna, i know you are suffering. its me and me alone who can sense your whole spectrum of suffering and its becoming out of bounds these days. this is leading to unnecessary fussing, frustration and complaining nature. THATS ENOUGH. thats not you. thats not APARNA.
my passion is TO SETTLE. settle financially, emotionally and of course physically. this particular sentence doesn’t make sense to others. i know. but i also know that it means a lot to u.
CONCENTRATE APARNA. CONCENTRATE. CONCENTRATE ON YOUR GOAL. YOUR PASSION.
other things ignored. decision made
to APARNA everything is possible. goal is large but my will is just MIGHTY.
“I CAN DO IT. I WILL DO IT. I’M DOING IT.”
