After a very looooooooong break!!

it has been a long time really! but afterall, its I ME MYSELF. I can excuse myself.

all these days, i’ve been trying to cope with myself. someone told its a feeling called ‘wanting to run away’. ya. thats what it is. and u know what! i really RAN AWAY!! no. not from my ownself. u know, APARNA can never do that! but circumstances demanded me to run away….. so i ran away from the circumstances! thats it. and u know! i’ve already started feeling better. just some simple adjustments in my lifestyle……. not for anybody but myself.

its freedom from my deep boring distress

i usually hate that library atmosphere. i feel like reading some interesting stuff over there…… something like a newspaper (only IF its interesting), a magzine, & more preferably something like a scientific journal {u know! my first love is neurology…….. and its charm fascinates me more & more with each passing day! i really want to be obsessed with it…… but a medico has many many things to handle, not just  a textbook on neurology} but dwelling upon my acedemic subjects!! no way! i love to sit & lie & stand & walk…… in my room, books spread around me… and if i feel bored i listen to music a but now i started to spend nearly 3-4 hrs in the library.my target is to stay from 4-8pm in the library and make the most of it.

i’m approaching naer my target gradually…… ofcourse, with some lapses. so most of my time i stay in a place where nobody can hurt me…… in my college….i have a greatest advantage with this place. the people close to me never ever tries to hurt me and the people who try hurting me… i dont give a damn, they r absolutely NOTHING to me.

i really feel relieved. if i’m not fully satisified with my world, atleast i’m not unhappy…. i’m able to smile, laugh enjoy the pleasure of living. thats what i crave for and i’ve got it!

now i want to be satisified with myself. i have a lot of SELF ESTEEM…… It means I respect myself a lot.so if there is sooo much respect……. it means i just cant have it as it comes.. i really need to earn it.

i believe in 1 thing for sure. if u want a right.. u need to take up some responsibility……. and if u r  taking up a responsibility, u have every right to demand ur genuine rights. thats how this goes. its the balance that is really significant here. and if there is any imbalance that leads to all the chaos.

now as per the importance i give to myself, i’m bound to be responsible…. bound to be worthy…. APARNA! u dont need to do a donkey’s work. work like a computer…. accurate, fast, energetic and focussed for sometime… darling! its u who is operating ur system……. ur biological system…… ur own brain. APARNA! believe me!! i’ll never let u to become hanged.(in sense of computers)

my main complaint with myself is INDISCIPLINE. Its not about breaking rules…….. its about breaking the rules repeatedly and reguilarly i set for myself when i really really do not want to.just look at urself.

• MY MIND IS STRONG
• MY MIND IS STRONG
• MY MIND IS STRONG
• MY MIND IS STRONG
• MY MIND IS STRONG
• MY MIND IS STRONG

its not imposition, its an inspiration, its a determination, ITS A DECISION, A DECLARATION I MADE TO MYSELF. i’m gonna implement it this week.

all the best darling………… dawn like a beautiful morning

This is APARNA here…….

Now here is my blog…. i dont have particular reasons for creating it. i saw my frnd creating it to let out her long hidden – unspoken feelings here…… but, i’m not the one for it. then why did i do it?? to improve my vocabulary?? funny!

now, let me introduce myself. This is APARNA here. i’m a medico….. final year. now…. there are  lots and lots of people in the world. then do u think i’m one of them? yes, i’m one of them…. the only one….. the one who is unique, the one who is original…… the one who will, someday, make a difference.

This may show my confidence, or…… overconfidence?? whatever! I do admit that I love myself very much. i believe in my reasoning, i believe in my decision, i believe in myself. thats abt me….. APARNA. ya, jotting down my name in caps shows the importance i give to myself…… for a genuine reason ofcourse…… b’coz eventhough i have very trustworthy frnz & a caring family, the longest possible companion in my lifetime would be I Me Myself… whether i love or hate myself… i have to stay with myself. so why not love myself?

i have no internal conflicts. i learnt to love myself, satisify myself. stick to my decisions and act accordingly. i take the sole responsibility of my life…. and i’m VERY VERY POSSESSIVE about my rights towards my life.

medicine is not my passion…… its my choice. My choice. its my way of living… its me. exam cannot threaten me to study….. pg is not my preference….. knowledge is not the thing that fascinates me……. what? do i look like a psycho or something! NO. I’M NOT. I’m a human… with real human instinct, with reason-polished opinions…. that usually make my decisions. i study to satisify myself. thats the basic instinct. thats what i need.

this may be a bit confusing. but this is a complex theory of simple understanding…. a complete abstract everything…. an absolute empty nothing!! haha!! i know how it feels like to read all this! i know its complex…. to ones who are near to my wavelength. i know its literally nonsense to ones who are even a bit out of  this sort of thinking stuff. but u know something! thats how I am…….. its me APARNA….. APARNA with all my virtues and vices….. failures and follies……. a perfect originality with an utterly imperfect idealism!

I’m not perfect…….

but I’m UNIQUE

I’m not famous……..

but I’m DISTINCT

I’m not extraordinary

…… but I’m SPECIAL

Thats me….. APARNA.

I decided what course suits me… i decided what profession suits me… i decided who should become my soulmate….. so all the important decisions for this age have been made…. and WITH NO REGRETS ABSOLUTELY. plans necessary wrt to these decisions have been sorted out. now i want the result! thats the final outcome. between drawing up the plan and getting the result, there are 2 catalysts…. time & implementation. Implementation demands DEDICATION, DETERMINATION & CONCENTRATION….. These 3 ingredients, if dressed with a perfect blend of SMART WORK… can make my decisions worthy… make myself worthy…. make my life happy & perfect.

This is the path I travel........

PERFECTION is a state too big to be achieved.

but somewhere in the journey towards it, i know i’ll meet what is called EXCELLENCE.

This is a small endeavor to keep the track of myself.to empty all the emotions of the previous week into this blog. to keep my head clean out of emotions. to focus on the journey all through the week. my blog reveals me to myself on every sunday…… there can be reasonings, explanations, consolations, confessions, questions, answers, doubts, decisions, suggestions, approvals…. anything and everything…… all from me to myself.

let me start the new academic year with new goals and enormous energy.

Dear APARNA, All the best.

wake up with determination……………….sleep with satisifaction.